Every person willing to adopt a child can be considered a hero, for it’s a huge responsibility. But at the same time, a greater percentage of adopted children some time later are returned to orphanage. So if you are planning to adopt a kid, you should be prepared and aware of the following issues in order to give him a happy life, full of love and care.
Healthy and small kids easily find foster families unlike children with disabilities and chronic illnesses orphanages are overfilled with. But even if the child’s medical record says that the kid is “healthy”, this is not a guarantee that he has no hidden diseases. An adopted little one is not safe from injuries.
Won’t you break down emotionally in such a situation? Will you have enough strength and kindness to deal with a serious illness together with your child? You would not have asked such a question, if every year more and more birth parents stayed together with their seriously ill children.
Who does your child look like?
You involuntarily will strive to see the child having your or husband’s features. But most likely, he will be different from you both in appearance and temperament. Relatives and friends can also remind you that the child looks different. Be ready for that and try to be realistic.
Genes remarkably affect every human’s life, and an adopted child is not an exception. If heredity is important to you, and you are afraid of surprises in the future, ask who the child’s parents were. And if the child already lives in your family never reproach him that he is as bad as his birth parents. Do not allow yourself to think unnecessary thoughts. You are able to affect his character and behavior.
Odd man out
The child doesn’t talk and listen to you, behaves like a guest – these are the common adaptive parents’ complaints. He is, of course, may be grateful to you for adoption, but he can’t automatically become a member of your family. You will have to spend much effort and nerves taming the “outsider” and getting him to live according to the rules of your “pack”. If he is not the only child in your family, you always treat all of them the same way. Of course, you might first want to warm up your little newcomer by paying an increased attention to him and forgiving his misbehavior. But he will quickly become bolder and begin to assert his primacy in the family. Do not hesitate to express your emotions, scold the child when it’s necessary, but do not forget about warm words of love.
That is the most common reason adoptive parents give when giving the child back to the orphanage. For example. Prior to adoption, the girl was a real angel, and a couple of months later her behavior deteriorated: she began to be rude, to have poor marks in school, or even to steal her parents’ money. Children are smarter than we think. At first they are ready to play demure, but sooner or later they begin to demonstrate their real behavior. Adopted children can’t “go bad”, they simply stop playing their role. Well, he is not so good! He is moody, harmful; in short, he’s the same as all children are.
“Mom, am I not your own child?”
All adoptive parents will hear such a question sooner or later. You need to be ready for that and immediately decide whether the child will know about adoption. If not, you need to take all measures so that no one tells him such unpleasant news. But all secrets become clear, so, you better be honest with the child. Choose the right moment and tell him about that.
“You are strangers to me!”
Psychologists often speak with adoptive parents whose child is completely out of control. Parents are not authority to him. They are “strangers”. This often happens with children adopted at the age of reason. In this situation, the foster mom and dad will have to spend a lot of effort to tame the rebellious child. But it is much more difficult to give such a child a lot of love. It’s easier to love obedient children.
And this is not a full list of problems adoptive parents can face. Being a parent is labor, it is the self-renunciation, it is an emotional and financial commitment. Images of happy families is no more than an illusion, it’s just a second of a lifetime with lots of difficulties, which are always left “behind the scenes”.
Not a toy
Well, you may think if it is difficult, perhaps, one shouldn’t adopt a child? But the article is not about that. There are so many social ads calling to take a child from an orphanage. But they don’t say a word that children are not toys, and they cannot be given back if they “break”. These are vulnerable souls. And they are already hurt by parting with the birth parents. When young children, they start wondering how could they deserve such a betrayal? No one has an idea to give his own child into the orphanage when he gets bad marks in school or misbehaves. Why then do we let us think of giving the adopted child back?
To become the closest person to a child, to take his “abandoned” life into your own hands, to love him like your own one, to give him everything he dreams about, to become an example and a guide for him, to heal and protect, to always be on his side, and to tolerate all his misbehavior… Are you ready? Then you really can be called a foster mom and dad, and you can really be entrusted with the children’s lives.