The topic about ADHD children is very close to me, because my friend adopted a 4 year old boy who is extremely hyperactive and aggressive. You won’t be able to establish a good and trusting relationship with such kids in just one day, and I started searching for some information about the ways to deal with such kids and help my fiend. So let me share this with you too. Recently I’ve written about the signs of ADHD in your kid and how you can help him. And now let’s discuss some tips on how to talk with hyperactive kids and develop a desired kind of relationship. But of course the following tips will work for kids who don’t have ADHD as well.
How to talk to ADHD children
1. If you want to have a serious talk with your child, make sure to choose a suitable place for this. Turn off the TV.
2. Be willing to talk with the child whenever he needs it.
3. Hyperactive children move too much. Do not insist that your child calms down completely before you start talking to him.
4. Every day ask the child how he is doing. Start with simple questions like: “How was your day at school?”
5. When listening to the child telling you about an event, make sure to let him know and feel that you understand his feelings about it. To do this, listen to the child and then repeat the things he told you with your own words. Thus you’ll reach three goals:
– the child will make sure that you hear him;
– the child will be able to hear himself from the side and to better understand his own feelings;
– the child will make sure that you have understood him correctly.
6. When listening to the child, watch his facial expressions and gestures, analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that everything is ok, but a trembling chin or sparkling eyes tell us quite a different story.
7. Support and cheer your child without any words. Smile at him, hug, nod your head, look into his eyes, take him by a hand.
8. Watch the tone of your voice when you answer your kid’s questions. It must not be sarcastic.
9. When encouraging the child, keep the conversation going, demonstrate your interest in the stuff he is telling you about. For example, ask, “What’s happened afterwards?” or “Tell me about that…”
10. Regularly ask your child what he is thinking about, what he believes, what he is sure about.
11. The less forbidden topics you have to discuss with your child, the more his thoughts he will tell you about.
Building relationship with your hyperactive child
1. Respect each other. Mutual respect means that both children and adults can express their beliefs and feelings openly and without any bit fear or judgment while being sure that they will be understood.
2. When raising a hyperactive child, share a common vision and do not contradict each other.
3. From time to time, review your requirements to the child.
4. Discuss with your child your requirements to his behavior. Explain why they are important.
5. Ask about your child’s opinion about the requirements to his behavior.
6. Create together a list of “family rules”.
7. Repeat the rules and encourage their implementation. Change some of the rules as your child grows.
8. Agree on a kind of punishment ahead of time if the child violates the “family rules”. Be ready to keep your word.
9. Listen to your kid’s opinion about the punishment.
10. Find out the causes of the kid’s misbehavior. Probably, they are a result of some kind of emotional or psychological problem or any disease.
11. At least once a week, spend an evening performing an activity together with all the members of your family. Ahead of time, think about and agree on an activity you’d like to do together.
12. From time to time spend the entire day together with your child.
1. When you go somewhere, set a good example by acting responsibly: tell the child where you are going and when you come back; leave a phone number by which the kid can find you.
2. If the child is going somewhere, ask where he is going and with who, as well as when he comes back.
3. When a child stays home alone, call him and ask how he is doing.
4. Do your best to create your home a pleasant place for your kid’s friends.
5. Meet the parents of your child’s friends. Agree with them that the children won’t be left unattended at your or their place.
How to improve the child’s self-esteem, and why it is important
1. Encourage and praise your child for his efforts the way you praise him for the achievements. Notice even the smallest successes. Praise him as often as possible. Let him understand that efforts and persistence are often more important than results are.
2. Show and tell the child how much you love him.
3. Help the child to set achievable goals.
4. When fixing your kid’s mistakes, you should criticize his deeds and actions but not the child. For example, your child climbed onto a high fence. In order not to destroy his positive self-esteem, you can say. “Climbing on a fence is dangerous. You could fall down and break a leg (an arm). Do not do that anymore“. The words that destroy your kid’s self-esteem sound like this: “Where are you climbing? Aren’t there a head on your shoulders?”
5. Let your child feel a real responsibility. Children, who have responsibilities at home, feel themselves important in the family.
How to support your child properly
1. Hug, kiss, and praise the child more. Of course your child knows that you love him but still you should express your love more and more.
2. Express your love with the words, tone of your voice and look.
3. Do not overdo showing your love, and respect the child’s distance he sets.
4. Accept and share your child’s interests – it is very important to him.
Participation in the kid’s school life
1. Ask your child about his problems at school and concerns about it.
2. Regularly be interested in the subjects the child studies at school.
3. Offer to help with homework.
4. Talk with each child’s teacher at least once a year.
5. Be sure to attend parent-teacher conferences.
6. If possible and if your child doesn’t mind, attend your kid’s classes from time to time. The more time you spend