In continuation of our previous posts on child parenting, we will tell you about the methods of teaching baby to be neat, to be able to make decisions, to be sociable and more important issues worth considering in the process of upbringing children.
Does a child have right to choose and is he able to choose?
Speaking of raising a child, we should remember that the ability to make a right, thoughtful, well-reasoned choice is one of the main qualities of an individual. And it is recommended to start teaching baby this skill from the first days of life.
So, what to start with?
Well, firstly, it is just necessary to accept and recognize that even such a little one has the right to choose. When is the age for a child to have right to choose for yourself? When he starts speaking, when he goes to school, or when he has his own children? Sometimes, having got permission from parents to choose, people just cannot do this, because they are not able, they were not taught or rather were not given an opportunity to learn this!
Secondly, give your baby an opportunity to choose! If you want your little person to grow a strong extraordinary personality, teach him to make choice as soon as possible. From the first days of life! For example, give your baby two rattles, and offer him to play with both of them. Leave the one he will take, and remove the second one for a while. After some time you will have another opportunity to give your baby a choice: he is not yet able to focus on one object for a long time, and the first rattle will be thrown aside. Show him both rattles again. Perhaps he will choose that one he played the last time, and maybe even both of them. It is his desire and his choice! A one year old baby is able to choose a baby food for himself at a store between two proposed by his parents.
It would seem that there is nothing complicated about that, but sometimes parents cannot give their child to think on his own, because they unconsciously perceive him as their integral part. They want from the start, in their hearts, the child to obey their dictates. And whatever they are told, how negatively such attitude affects their child, parents still secretly want their child’s obedience.
There another challenge can be – a danger to replace a real choice with a pseudo choice when a baby is offered to choose of two options he does not like. For example, he wants to sit on mother’s laps but he is put down in his bed, or baby does not want to go for a walk but he is asked what he would wear: jeans or trousers. Of course, there are important moments and schedules, but always, when possible, try to consider the baby’s desire. Moreover, a child who has the right to choose from the very birth can be normally able to explain his choice: maybe he has a headache and wants to sleep.
If you want to grow a personality, keep in mind that this person is already growing, and respect this personality in the child – that’s the main rule! Not to mention the fact that when parents ignore the child’s opinion, they can harm him.
So important word “No”
Many parents, grandparents, wishing to please their baby, indulge his every whim and desire, buy him whatever he wants, do whatever he says. While doing so, very loving parents spoil their child very much; he very quickly gets used to the fact that all his desires are fulfilled without any argue and in the shortest time. After some time of such practice, there can be the result of such education, which is expressed in the form of hysterics and demanding tone of a child who was not purchased a toy. Very often, it is difficult to correct this situation with gaps in education, and a child grows up selfish, without any idea of the word “no” and accustomed to get everything in life. Having grown up, this child gets often disappointed with life, where no one else indulges his whims, and he has to rely on his own efforts. Being in society, such people consider only their own desires, and other people do not exist for them.
Such undesirable situations can be avoided if a child is being parented properly from the very earliest years. The child should know the limits to his desires, and parents should tell him about them, he should normally accept the word “no” in response to his excessive requests.
But very often adults’ prohibition sounds briefly – no! This brevity is understandable to adults, but the baby may perceive this ban as a game. Especially, if some things are prohibited and permitted depending on circumstances.
To avoid confusion, you should decide what is prohibited and what is allowed in your family, and do not violate these rules. Creating a set of rules and restrictions, remember that your baby will grow, and his habits will be hard to fight with. So do not especially encourage and teach your baby to do the actions you will wean him in a year or two from.
For example, some people laugh merrily when a one-year old toddler is getting on the table, spitting, beating adults. But these actions are perceived with a different attitude when performed by two- three year olds.
Let’s discuss one more common situation.
Once your toddler has learned to walk, he begins to explore the house and pulls everything. Of course, by touching things, a little one is getting acquainted with the world, but there are objects in the apartment that the toddler must not touch. For example, he must not touch the power sockets and insert various objects into them, he must not turn on the stove and touch the hot kettle or iron, and he must not climb on a windowsill.
If you constantly repeat the word “no”, you won’t stop your child, even if you say the word in a louder voice. There is no need not repeat this word many times, otherwise it will lose its meaning for the child. Remember that children are very curious by their nature and they love to contradict various prohibitions. The child is likely to continue to act the forbidden way after you “no”, looking at you on the sly and watching your reaction.
When forbidding something, explain to the child why he must not do it, and offer an alternative interesting activity, marking it with the word “yes” opposed to “no”. This will help your child to easily go through the loss of previous enthralling activity. Prohibitions must be serious and strict, if necessary take the objects away or take the baby away, but let him see his gentle and happy mom again.
Raising a child should be consistent; your own behavior is the best teacher. If you want him to wash his hands after a walk or before eating – wash his hands by yourself until he learns how to use soap. If you do not want him to beat and yell at you, his brothers and sisters – you should count to ten before you slap his butt.
Prohibitions should concern actions dangerous to life and health of the child and others, but the number of prohibitions must not be excessive. Better hide everything that can be removed. If the child won’t calm down and tries to climb to a prohibited items, take the baby away from the room. Thus you will firmly and confidently let him understand that he must not touch or take this object. Do not scream and do not argue with your child, you will achieve nothing but only strengthen his stubbornness and interest in the prohibited object.
Raising a neat child
Many human’s qualities are developed at an early age of his development: accuracy, neatness and love of order. Therefore it is very important, from the very first months of life, to teach a baby the rules that will shape his love of order and neatness. The sooner you start to raise your child, the more quickly and painlessly he will progress and the better results you will achieve.
As it was already said more than once, the most important thing about the educational process is to teach a child through a play, since a baby understands this language most of all at this age, as well as to often praise him for the right actions. Having got such an encouragement, the child will be happy to repeat all the actions he was praised and encouraged for.
At first a baby gets used to order and cleanliness due to the efforts of the adult. But gradually he starts participating in the hygiene activities.
Up to the age 6 months, a baby should take a bath every day (and every other day after 6 months). Some babies don’t like to be put in water, they strain all their muscles, and relax only in warm water. Watch your baby what water he likes – the recommended temperature for the 0-6 month old babies is 37 C.
Over the time your baby will love bathing and will be happy anticipating this activity. Always talk with your baby while he is bathing. Gradually he will respond to your ask to turn his head, close his eyes, etc. Do everything in a soft, gentle and loving manner, otherwise the baby will naturally dislike this activity.
If you want to teach your baby to be without diapers, starting from 4 months old, you can hold him over the pot. Do this right after his waking if he is dry and clean; 15-20 minutes after meals; if the baby is dry for half an hour.
From about 8 months old you can put your little one on the pot. Do it gently and carefully so that this new experience does not scare him. Note that your baby will not successfully use his potty the first time, he should get used to sit on it. But be patient, some mothers develop distinctive “signs”, and using them, encourage the development of a necessary habit in babies.
What to do if your baby wakes up wet in the morning? Do you need to wake him at night to go potty? Everything depends on your baby’s behavior when being awakened. If he calmly sits on the pot and falls asleep again afterwards, then you can wake him. But if he cries and protests, if his sleep is disturbed, then you should just change nappies for some time. The priority should be given to the calm sleep.
Playing with other children
Behavioral standards with other people and how much comfortable a person feels with them are developed in the early childhood. If a child grows not communicating with his peers, will likely feel uncomfortable in any society, he is likely to grow up selfish, whose interests are more important that those of other people, or otherwise, he will grow up a quiet, shy, and a withdrawn personality.
It is quite simple to avoid such a situation. You should try to give him an opportunity to interact with his peers from a very early age. While walking, let your baby be in a group of his peers as often as possible, for him to talk to them, exchange toys, play games and discuss common topics in their baby language. When a child is playing with other children, he gets used to a team, his habit of communication is being developed, he is not afraid of unfamiliar children, he is happy to talk, play and to find common ground with them. Such a child will grow up a sociable person, feeling comfortable and free in any society.
This is especially useful for children who have no brothers or sisters, who are the only children in the family and their parents indulge their every wishes. It is especially important for such children to communicate with other children, such communication will give them an understanding that they are not alone in their desires and very often in life it is necessary to consider the desires and needs of others people as well.
Besides all this, communication and playing with other children develop such important properties as: mutual understanding, team spirit and respect for the wishes of others, teamwork and development of a common outlook.
It will be easier for such children to live in their future life: school and college, family, work, and it will be easier for them to find their place in life.
Of course there are lots of peculiarities in raising children but we tried to cover the most basic and important issues regarding this side of child development. You are individual and you will use your own methods of parenting your children. Our task is to set direction, and everything rest depends on you. Just be patient, gentle and loving.